Short Story Long

Taking dbag self-portraits in oversized mirrors since when country wasn’t cool.

.@chefspike is always so nice. Good guy. #whcd #topchef

Steven Spielberg, nbd. One of those men tackled-hugged him, I’m not even kidding. I hope he knew him. #whcd

Me and Rebel Wilson, y’all. I couldn’t help it. I told her @blogher readers would surely be friends of hers. She was so very nice and gracious.

Deadlines make me so crazy.

My mom’s tree is overlord of the neighborhood. It totally tried to get in my car.

If you stand in my parents’ yard right now, petals fall on your toes and you’re all I AM A PETAL-TOED SPRING PRINCESS, BITCHES. You shouldn’t do that though, maybe, because the neighbors get riled, I understand.

I just rocked down here, basically. (Oh SHUT UP like you wouldn’t.) I love today.

thugkitchen:

Food is good and all that but YOU REALLY FUCKING NEED WATER. I always drink one glass of water before each meal and another glass right after. Shit, that’s almost all the water you need in a day.

Feeling tired? Got a headache? Nauseous? Fuck those Rx commercials with their crazy ass side effects, drinking more water is the cheapest way to feel better. I drink mine straight but if you’re fancy as fuck then toss in some lemon, mint leaves, lime, cucumber, lemongrass. I don’t give a good goddamn, JUST DRINK IT.